Beyonce Knowles appeared on 'Saturday Night Live' (SNL) last weekend where she performed her singles 'If I Were A Boy' and 'Single Ladies'. Though her performances were hot as usual, it was overshadowed by her appearance with fellow guest Justin Timberlake. This is evident from the number of blogs (like this one) and entertainment news articles who have written about her Timberlake number rather than her musical performance. He he. No, they didn't perform together, not exactly. What they did was a skit, a parody of the superstar's 'Single Ladies' video where Timberlake threw caution to wind and danced in tights and heels with Beyonce.
In the skit, Paul Rudd appeared as the director of the video who hired three male backup dancers (who later turned out to be his sons) to do the video with Beyonce despite her protests.
What made this sketch hilarious was the sight of Justin Timberlake, pop heartthrob and sex symbol to many of his female fans, dancing in leotards and heels. It was so 'brave' of him to do that. He he. You what I think 
will top this one? A similar SNL parody of Britney's 'Womanizer' video, with Justin Timberlake as a backup dancer in drag as well.
I tried looking for videos of Beyonce's musical performances on last weekend's 'Saturday Night Live' to no avail. Nobody seems to be interested in posting them on YouTube. However, I found the following photos (left and below) of her performance on tvshark.com which aptly captured how hot her performance was. Hope to still find a video of it in the coming days. I'll post it here for sure.Beyonce Knowles & Justin Timberlake on Saturday Night Live
SNL 'Single Ladies' Video ParodyBeyonce Knowles on Saturday Night Live (SNL) Photos
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Beyonce, Justin Timberlake on 'Saturday Night Live' (video)
Jeff Dunham videos: Jeff Dunham with Peanut, Achmed, etc.
Jeff Dunham is currently the toast of the internet with searches for 'jeff dunham', 'jeff dunahm.com', 'jeff dunham christmas special', 'jeff dunham website' and 'jeff dunham peanut doll' topping the charts. At first, I didn't know why. I couldn't even recall who Jeff Dunham was until I read a few blog entries about him to refresh my memory (Forgive me guys, it was another 'memory gap' attack). I then recalled having seen him in a few Comedy Central presentations and laughing my heart out from his brand of comedy. His YouTube clips are hilarious, too.
For the uninitiated, Jeff Dunham is a stand-up comedian and ventriloquist, famous for his hilarious puppet creations. His usual puppets include a doll named Peanut; a bitter old man named Walter; José Jalapeño on a Stick, a talking Jalapeño pepper on a stick; Achmed, the Dead Terrorist; a
redneck named Bubba J; a superhero named Melvin the Superhero Guy and Jeff's manager Sweet Daddy D. You can find a number of videos of his appearances in various Comedy Central presentations and television guestings on YouTube. He has also done a few specials including 'Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself', which was released in 2006, and 'Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity', released last year. I tried to look for the completes videos of these specials on line to no avail, although there are a few short clips available. Guess, I'll have to buy the DVD version. He he.
His most recent special, 'Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special' was aired last night on Comedy Central, hence the surge of interest on the web, and based on some blog entries that I've read, it was again a riot. Suffice it to say that thousands are waiting for a clip of that special to turn up on YouTube. And since I wasn't able to watch it from our neck of the woods, I've been trying to secure even a short clip to satisfy my curiosity. None so far.
My favorite among Jeff Dunham's many puppets is definitely Achmed, The Dead Terrorist. All bug eyes and bones, he releases hilarious, politically-incorrect one-liners and insults with gusto to the delight of the audience. Peanut is funny too, but Achmed's eyes, voice and those furry little eyebrows get me laughing just by looking at him. See for yourself in the following videos I got from YouTube. BTW, one of Achmed's biggest hits is his version of a famous Christmas carol, 'Jingle Bomb'. Watch the clip at the below and follow the 'Jingle Bomb' lyrics provided at the bottom. Guaranteed to make you laugh!Jeff Dunham and Achmed, The Dead Terrorist (Video 1)
Jeff Dunham and Peanut Doll Video 1
Jeff Dunham and Peanut Doll Video 2
Jeff Dunham and Bubba J (Video 1)
Video: Jeff Dunham and Achmed, The Dead Terrorist, Singing "Jingle Bomb"
Jingle Bomb Lyrics, by Achmed, The Dead Terrorist, and Jeff Dunham
Dashing through the sand
with a bomb strapped to my back.
I have a nasty plan
for Christmas in Iraq.
I got through checkpoint A,
but not through checkpoint B.
That’s when I got shot in the ass
by the US Military…
[it's not funny!]
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Mine blew up you see.
Where are all the virgins
that Bin Laden promised me?
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
Your soldiers shot me dead.
The only thing that I have left
is this towel up on my head.
I used to be a man,
but every time I cough,
thanks to Uncle Sam,
my nuts keep falling off.
My bombing days are done.
I need to find some work.
Perhaps it would be much safer
as a convenient store night clerk.
Oooh, jingle bombs, jingle bombs
I think I got screwed.
Don’t laugh at me because I’m dead
or I’ll kill you…
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how's your eyesight? take this eye exam
Have you been suffering from bouts of blurred vision, headaches that seem to occur after hours in front of the PC (blogging, surfing, whatever) or worse, dizzy spells? Well, I have and I think I may need to get a pair of glasses. The mere thought of it freaks me out because I don't think I'd look good wearing them. I used to wear a pair when I was in high school (non-prescription ones because I thought I'd look cool) and trust me, it wasn't a pretty sight. After a while I had to throw them away. To give you an idea, think 'Revenge of the Nerds'. Get the picture? He he. I know there are a lot of people who swear that glasses enhance their looks, my friends being some of them. Unfortunately, I'm one of the exceptions.
Over beer and karaoke, I mentioned my predicament to some of my friends last week and they were one in saying that I should have my eyes checked. Actually, their advice was to see a
doctor because these may be symptoms of something else, something worse. However, I think I'll start with my eyes, go to an ophthalmologist and take it from there. This move is easier on the pocket, and my sanity. Moreover, my fear of doctors, blood, syringes and all that stuff dictates that I should try the ophthalmologist first. I have an appointment on Friday.
However, I was surprised to receive the following in my email yesterday, with the following note attached: "This is brilliant! Try this. It's a new eye exam called the Oriental Eye Exam. It works! If you can't decipher anything, try pulling the corners of your eyes as if you were Chinese." It's from Dave, one of the friends I was out with last week.
I should have known better than to trust a guy who was already drunk when I brought up the subject last week. He he. But then again, it might be true! Maybe I should try this remedy first before going to the doctor. It might just work! What do you think? He he.
--------------------
While we're on the subject of eyesight, here's some good news. Prescription eyeglasses are available at unbelievable prices online. This was news to me as I thought only non-prescription glasses can be bought on the internet. Now, the convenience of shopping online is also available for those of us looking for the right pair of glasses.
One of the the biggest drawbacks I see in buying eyeglasses from a store in the mall is the availability as not even the biggest shops carry all the styles available. Sometimes, the most popular designs are sold out and one would have to either wait for the stock to be available, choose another design or look for another store. With shopping online, however, this won't be a problem, especially with the bigger stores like Zenni Optical. They have a complete line of eyeglasses to choose from - single vision, bi-focal, progressive, rimless, half-rim, full rim, aluminum alloy, titanium, etc. What's more, the prices are unbelievably affordable, something most welcome in these hard times.
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McCain, Fey as Palin hilarious on SNL (video / transcript)
Just when I thought everybody has forgotten John McCain, the other presidential candidate in this year's election, the Republican hopeful zoomed into TV screens and the internet via 'Saturday Night Live' last night (video and transcript below). Sen. John McCain poked fun at himself at the start of "Saturday Night Live," pretending to offer an address to the nation on QVC, the home shopping channel. Later in the show, he discussed his strategy options on SNL's Weekend Update.
He appeared in the opening with Sarah Palin. Not the real Sarah Palin, of course, but SNL's Sarah Palin, Tina Fey. Acting as presenters of QVC television shopping channel, McCain said it was the only station he could afford airtime, in contrast to rival Barack Obama's million dollar infomercial which aired on almost all television networks last week. "The final days are the
most essential," McCain said. "This past Wednesday, Barack Obama purchased airtime on three major networks. We, however, can only afford QVC," he said. "Tonight we come before you to give you some final remarks on our campaign."
He first offered a set of 10 commemorative blank plates for the 10 town hall debates he sought to hold with Barack Obama. "They're blank," McCain said. "He wouldn't agree to those debates. They're still nice plates." He he.
McCain's skit also featured a cameo from wife Cindy, gesturing like presenter Vanna White, for a line of "McCain Fine Gold", a reference to the Arizona senator's 2002 campaign reform legislation passed with Russell Feingold. "It commemorates the McCain Feingold Act and also looks great with evening wear," McCain said. "Thank you Cindy." He also offered his John McCain collection of pork knives (good for cutting earmarks). Tina Fey then turned to another camera and whispered: "I'm going rogue now, so keep your voices down" and showed a "Palin in 2012" T-shirt already available but "don't wear it until after Tuesday," to the roar of the studio audience. "I'm not going anywhere. And I'm certainly not going back to Alaska," she said. "I'm either running in four years or I'm going to be a white Oprah." Ha ha ha.
Later in the show, Senator John McCain appeared on Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update with Seth Myers, adding a few more jokes about the campaign to his last appearance before the election. At Meyers's urging, he listed several new strategies he might use to win the election:
1. "The Reverse Maverick," where he does whatever anyone tells him.
2. "The Double Maverick," where he goes "totally berserk and freaks everyone out, even the regular mavericks."
3. "The Sad Grandpa," where he says on TV, "C'mon, Obama's gonna have
plenty of chances to be president. It's my turn."
4. "The Charleston," where he only campaigns in Charleston, S.C., "totally locking it down."
5. "The Forest Gump," where he jogs across the entire country and eventually everything just works out.
It was a good show for John McCain. He showed us his funny side by poking fun at himself and his campaign, way better than his futile attempts at being funny during his Letterman appearance - a credit to SNL's brilliant writers. Tina Fey was, as usual, hilarious. The 'Palin 2012 T-shirt' was a riot! Trailing in the polls, the Republican senator from Arizona demonstrated a good sense of humor three days before the election, something that his camp hopes will help his bid.John McCain on 'Saturdau Night Live' (SNL) (11/01 video)
with Tina Fey as Sarah Palin (as usual)John McCain on 'Saturday Night Live' transcript (SNL 11/01/08)
JOHN MCCAIN: "Good evening, my fellow Americans, I'm John McCain.
TINA FEY AS PALIN: "And, you know, I'm just Sarah Palin."
MCCAIN: "The final days of any election are the most essential. This past Wednesday, Barack Obama purchased airtime on three major networks. We, however, can only afford QVC."
TINA FEY: "These campaigns sure are expensive. (She strokes the rich fabric of her jacket's lapel)
MCCAIN: "They sure are. So tonight, we come before you to give you some final remarks on our campaign."
TINA FEY: "And, as part of our agreement with the QVC folks, we're gonna try and sell you some stuff."
MCCAIN: "This has been an historic campaign, so why not remember it with our line of collectible products. Such as ten commemorative plates that celebrates the ten Town Hall debates between Senator Obama and myself. They're blank, he wouldn't agree to those debates. Too bad. They're still nice plates.
TINA FEY: "And who wouldn't want the complete set of limited edition 'Joe' action figures? There's 'Joe the Plumber,' 'Joe Six-Pack,' and my personal favorite, 'Joe Biden.' If you pull this cord, he talks for forty-five minutes.
(SHE pulls cord)
JASON SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "I take the Amtrak to work every day. Then -- after work -- I take it home. Let me tell you something about Joe Biden..."
MCCAIN: "It's great if you want to clear out a party."
TINA FEY: "Or keep deer out of your yard."
MCCAIN: "But we're not just here to sell products. We're here with a message. We are at a crossroads in American history. The leadership of the next four years will have many challenges and I believe my experience and my leadership will make a difference.
TINA FEY: "Also too - sorry -- I need to remind you that there are just two minutes left in our 'Washington outsider jewelry extravaganza.'"
MCCAIN: "Are you someone who likes fine jewelry and also respects a politician who can reach across the aisle? If so, you can't go wrong with McCain Fine Gold. (Cindy McCain displays the "McCain Fine Gold" like a game show model.)
MCCAIN: "It commemorates the McCain Feingold Act -- and also looks great with evening wear. Thank you, Cindy."
TINA FEY: "And what busy hockey mom wouldn't want to freshen up her home with Sarah Palin's 'Ayers Fresheners.' You plug these into the wall when something doesn't quite smell quite right. Also too, it's good because it reminds people about William Ayers."
MCCAIN: "Having trouble cutting through a tough piece of pork? Not anymore, with John McCain's complete set of pork knives. 'They Cut The Pork Out!'"
TINA FEY: "So instead of going to one of those elite department stores with their liberal agendas and over-priced items and their gotcha return policies that violate your First Amendment rights, why not do your holiday shopping with us? (SHE turns to a different camera) Okay, listen up everybody, I am goin' rogue right now so keep your voices down. Available now, we got a buncha' these 'Palin in 2012' T-shirts. Just try and wait until after Tuesday to wear 'em okay? Because I'm not goin' anywhere. And I'm certainly not goin' back to Alaska. If I'm not goin' to the White House, I'm either runnin' in four years or I'm gonna be a white Oprah so, you know, I'm good either way."
MCCAIN: "What's going on over there, Sarah?"
TINA FEY: "Oh...just talkin' about taxes." (SHE winks)
MCCAIN: "Look, would I rather be on three major networks? Of course, but I'm a true maverick -- a Republican without money. And I'm not like my opponent; my only showbiz connections are Jon Voight and Heidi from 'The Hills.' So, I'm here on QVC, and like QVC, this campaign promises you three things: quality, value and convenience."
TINA FEY: "And great deals on juicers."
MCCAIN: "So when you go to the polls on Tuesday remember, 'Country First,' as a reminder all undergarments are non-refundable, and Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!!!John McCain on 'Saturday Night Live' (SNL 11/01/2008)
Final Campaign Strategies on 'Weekend Update' w/ Seth MyersSETH MEYERS: "With the election only three days away, most polls show Barack Obama leading John McCain by a slight margin. Here to comment on his campaign strategy, Senator John McCain."
JOHN MCCAIN: "Thank you Seth. You know, a lot can happen in three days. And while I am confident that we will emerge victorious, I'm also considering a few radical last-minute strategies."
MEYERS: "New strategies, like what?
MCCAIN: "Well you know how people call me "the maverick"
MEYERS: "Yeah."
MCCAIN: "Well, I thought I'd try a strategy called the 'Reverse Maverick.' That's where I do whatever anybody tells me. I don't ask questions - I just go with the flow. If that doesn't work, I go to the 'Double Maverick.' That's where I go totally berserker and just freak everybody out. Even the regular mavericks."
MEYERS: "That doesn't sound like the best strategy."
MCCAIN: "It isn't. And here's another bad one. It's called 'The Sad Grandpa.' That's where I get on TV and go, 'C'mon, Obama's gonna have plenty of chances to be President! It's my turn! Vote for me!'"
MEYERS: "Yeah, I don't know if I'd do that."
MCCAIN: "Ok, then here's a good one. It's called 'The Charleston.' That's where I only campaign in Charleston, South Carolina. Really lock it down. Meet every single resident three or four times. Or how about 'The Forrest Gump.' That's where I just start jogging across America and eventually everything works out.
MEYERS: "That might work."
MCCAIN: "Or maybe 'The Rocky IV.' I live alone in the wilderness and pull a sled through the snow until I'm in peak physical condition."
MEYERS" "How would that help you win an election?"
MCCAIN: "It won't. But if I ever have to fight Vladimir Putin, I'll be ready."
MEYERS: "Alright, well if you had to choose one strategy in the remaining days, what would it be?"
MCCAIN: "Seth, my basic strategy is the one I've stuck with since I started this campaign: connect with the voters, talk with them honestly about the issues, and stand by my record of service to this great country."
MEYERS: "And if that doesn't work?"
MCCAIN: "Probably the 'Double Maverick.'"
MEYERS: "Senator John McCain everyone!"
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Sarah Palin, victim of 'Sarkozy' prank call (audio/transcript)
Tina Fey's spot on Sarah Palin impersonation has been outdone! And it was a tandem of Canadian comedians who did it. Well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel, known as the Masked Avengers, pranked the VP candidate yesterday posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy, telling her she would make a good president someday. He he. A Palin campaign spokeswoman confirmed she had received the prank call, "Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C’est la vie."
The Masked Avenger told Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor. "I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that
is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says. He proposed they go hunting together by helicopter, something he said he has never done. "Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we’re getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."
The comedian jokes that they shouldn’t bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail. "I’ll be a careful shot," responds Sarah Palin. Ha ha ha.
When the fake Nicolas Sarkozy aksed her about being president of the United Sates, Sarah Palin replied, "Maybe in eight years!" This, more or less, confirms earlier reports that she really has presidential ambitions and has taken this campaign as a stepping stone into higher political office. Good news for her fans and supporters, bad news to others.
Marc-Antoine Audette spoke in exaggerated French accent and dropped ample hints that the conversation was a joke. You can hear from the tape of the prank call (below) that his voice didn't sound that serious at all, and if Palin paid attention to Sarkozy interviews on TV news reports she'd instantly recognize that it didn't sound like the French president. But Sarah Palin didn’t seem to pick up on the hints. Or did she? Was she just playing along with the caller? Didn't sound like it.Sarah Palin - Nicolas Sarkozy Prank Call "video"
Sarah Palin - Nicolas Sarkozy Prank Call transcript
Palin: This is Sarah.
Avengers: Ah, yeah, Gov. Palin.
Palin: Hello.
Avengers: Just hold on for President Sarkozy, one moment.
Palin: Oh, it's not him yet, they're saying. I always do that.
Avengers: Yes, hello, Gov. Palin.
Palin: Hello, this is Sarah, how are you?
Avengers: Fine, and you? This is Nicolas Sarkozy speaking, how are you?
Palin: Oh, it's so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.
Avengers: Oh, it's a pleasure.
Palin: Thank you sir, we have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you and thank you for taking a few minutes to talk to me.
Avengers: I follow your campaigns closely with my special American adviser Johnny Hallyday, you know?
Palin: Yes, good.
Avengers: Excellent. Are you confident?
Palin: Very confident and we're thankful that polls are showing that the race is tightening and...
Avengers: Well I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now, my dear?
Palin: I feel so good. I feel like we're in a marathon and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind and you plow to the finish.
Avengers: You see, I got elected in France because I'm real and you seem to be someone who's real, as well.
Palin: Yes, yeah. Nico, we so appreciate this opportunity.
Avengers: You know I see you as a president one day, too.
Palin: Maybe in eight years.
Avengers: Well, I hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common because personally one of my favorite activities is to hunt, too.
Palin: Oh, very good. We should go hunting together.
Avengers: Exactly, we could try go hunting by helicopter like you did. I never did that.
Like we say in French, on pourrait tuer des bebe phoques, aussi
Palin: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done. We can kill two birds with one stone that way.
Avengers: I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun.
I'd really love to go, so long as we don't bring along Vice-President Cheney.
Palin: No, I'll be a careful shot, yes.
Avengers: Yes, you know we have a lot in common also, because except from my house I can see Belgium. That's kind of less interesting than you.
Palin: Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.
Avengers: Some people said in the last days and I thought that was mean that you weren't experienced enough in foreign relations and you know that's completely false. That's the thing that I said to my great friend, the prime minister of Canada Stef Carse.
Palin: Well, he's doing fine, too, and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder.
Avengers: I was wondering because you are so next to him, one of my good friends, the prime minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois, have you met him recently? Did he come to one of your rallies?
Palin: I haven't seen him at one of the rallies but it's been great working with the Canadian officials. I know as governor we have a great co-operative effort there as we work on all of our resource-development projects. You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife.
Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.
Avengers: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you, even though you know she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today.
Palin: Well, give her a big hug for me.
Avengers: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former top model and she's so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.
Palin: Oh my goodness, I didn't know that.
Avengers: Yes, in French it's called de rouge a levre sur un cochon, or if you prefer in English, Joe the Plumber...it's his life, Joe the Plumber.
Palin: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism but I bet you she is such a hard worker, too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism.
Avengers: I just want to be sure. That phenomenon Joe the Plumber. That's not your husband, right?
Palin: That's not my husband but he's a normal American who just works hard and doesn't want government to take his money.
Avengers: Yes, yes, I understand we have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit.
Palin: Right, that's what it's all about, the middle class and government needing to work for them. You're a very good example for us here.
Avengers: I see a bit about NBC, even Fox News wasn't an ally as much as usual.
Palin: Yeah, that's what we're up against.
Avengers: Gov. Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know Hustler's Nailin' Paylin?
Palin: Ohh, good, thank you, yes.
Avengers: That was really edgy.
Palin: Well, good.
Avengers: I really loved you and I must say something also, governor, you've been pranked by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.
Palin: Ohhh, have we been pranked? And what radio station is this?
Avengers: CKOI in Montreal.
Palin: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.
Avengers: CK...hello?
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Obama on Jon Stewart's 'The Daily Show' (video / transcript)
Barack Obama continued his media blitz with barely a week left in the 2008 presidential campaign. Right after the airing of his 30-minute television commercial/special, otherwise known as the Barack Obama infomercial, he appeared with Jon Stewart on 'The Daily Show', trading jokes with the Emmy-winning comedy host who appeared to be trying too hard to be a credible, unbiased newsman. He he.
Barack Obama was his usual articulate self, taking jokes from Jon Stewart with a straight face, even when cornered to defend his half hour special which delayed the Phillies win by half an hour. He tried to be funny but was too stiff to earn my laughs. There's just something about becoming a national figure that turns you into a stiff. McCain has the very same problem. He never seems sincere or funny when he's joking. In my opinion, Michelle Obama was way
funnier on Leno. She talked casually with Jay and everything came out as genuine and spontaneous.
For those of you who missed Obama's appearance on Jon Stewart's "The Daily Show", here's a short clip I found on YouTube. It's not the full video though. I'm still waiting for the complete clip to come out (or the part 2 of this one) and will surely post it here once I get my hands on it. Also posted below is the full trancript of that appearance.Barack Obama on Jon Stewart's 'Daily Show' (video)
Barack Obama on Jon Stewart's 'The Daily Show' (full transcript)
Stewart: My guest tonight is a United States Senator representing the great state of Illinois. He is also the Democratic nominee for president. Joining us now via satellite from Sunrise, Florida, please welcome back to the program, Senator Barack Obama. Senator, nice to see you
Obama: Hi, Jon.
Stewart: How are you, sir? Hold on one second. I'm sorry. He's not actually here. He's on the satellite. Our audience very excited, sir. Clearly our show is not a swing show, if you will. Thank you so much for taking the time. How are you holding up? How are things going?
Obama: You know, I'm doing great. We are now counting down every single day. And, you know, the crowds are terrific. And you know, I think we've got a good shot at this thing.
Stewart: Where are you right now?
Obama: I am in Fort Lauderdale, and we are going to have a rally tonight, and actually, we're going to go to Orlando. We have an 11:00 p.m. rally with William Jefferson Clinton which I think is going to be terrific.
Stewart: William Jefferson Clinton and you in Florida. Now, I know Florida, many of my people go there to retire. You might want to hold the rally early. They don't like to miss their shows at night or the early-bird special at the diner. So, whatever you can....
Obama: No comment on that, Jon. I'm trying to win Florida.
Stewart: What a wise man. I thought that at this point, you would be doing sort of a four corners offense, playing kind of a delay game, but you really are going at it. Tell me about this half-hour special that aired earlier tonight. What is this?
Obama: Well, this is the Obama infomercial. I'll tell you a quick story. We're buying time on a lot of the stations. I was describing this to Michelle and my daughters, and Malia who is ten, she said "Hold up a second. Are you saying my programs are going to be interrupted?" I said no we didn't buy on Disney. She was relieved, but for everybody else who wants to watch, they're going to have a chance to take a look at not just sort of a pitch for me but really what we try to do is tell a story about what's happening in families all across America. We've got four families that we feature. All of them have great hopes, but all of them are struggling too. We want to talk about what the next four years would mean for them.
Stewart: Will it annoy us? Or will we like it? Afterwards, will we think, did he just sell me a Shamwow? What the hell just happened? Or will we feel comforted and, you know....
Obama: I hope what people will come away with, I hope they'll say to themselves you know what? This election is really important. These families that have been featured remind me of either myself or people I that know. I hope they'll have a better sense of exactly what I want to do as president. That's all you can do. At this stage, everything that needs to be said has probably been heard by a lot of voters. What you want to do is remind them one more time. Here's what I'm going to do, not oversell, let people make up their minds. That's how democracy works.
Stewart: So much of this has been about fear of you. An elitist, a celebrity, a Muslim terrorist sympathizer. A Socialist, a Marxist, a witch. That's right. They've been calling you a witch. They're saying if you do win, is that a mandate for Socialism in this country? Has any of this fear stuff, do you think it's stuff with the electorate? Are you finding that on the trail?
Obama: You know, it just hasn't. I mean, I think, there's a certain segment of hard-core Sean Hannity fans that probably wouldn't want to go have a beer with me, there's no doubt about that. But I think for the average voter, they're saying to themselves, what's all this stuff about? I'm trying to figure out whether I can hang on to my house or who is going to help me get a job or what about my health care, my premiums have doubled over the last couple of years. So I don't think that they're paying too much attention to this stuff. And the whole Socialism argument that doesn't fly too well. The evidence of this seems pretty thin. I said today that I think they found proof that when I was in kindergarten I shared some toys with my friends. That's clearly a sign that of subversive activity now, I can tell you, Jon, that being on your program I think is further evidence of these tendencies.
Stewart: (laughing). The polls have you up but then they keep talking about this Bradley Effect this idea that white voters when they go to the polls, they'll tell pollsters they're going to vote for an African-American but they won't actually do it.
Obama: Yeah, they've been saying that for a while. We're still here. I don't know. I don't think white voters have gotten this memo about the Bradley Effect.
Stewart: are you concerned in some respects, you know, and I don't even know how to bring this up. Obviously your mother is from Kansas. She's a white woman. Your father, African. Are you concerned that you may go into the voting booth and....
Obama: I won't know what to do.
Stewart: Your white half will all of a sudden decide, "I can't do this."
Obama: That's a problem.
Stewart: What is it?
Obama: I said it's a problem.
Stewart: (laughing).
Obama: I've been going through therapy to make sure that I vote properly on the 4th.
Stewart: I think that's wise. Are you, you know, you and Senator McCain have run such a tough race. Is it possible, do you think, in this day and age for you two to be, to like each other afterwards, to be collegial? Do you feel like you would offer him a spot in your administration or he would do the same for you? I mean, what's that relationship like now?
Obama: Well, look, there's no doubt that it gets tense in the middle of a campaign. But I've said it before. I admire Senator McCain's service to our country. He is a genuine war hero. And, you know, I hope that after the election, however way it turns out, that we can work together because some of the problems we're talking about are ones that we're not going to be able to solve with one party just trying to dictate a solution to the problems. You look at something like global warming, that's really an "all hands on deck" kind of situation. If we don't get everybody on board, conservative hawks who are worried about us buying oil from the Middle East, tree huggers and environmentalists who are worried about, you know, the polar bears, bringing all those folks together and saying everybody's got a legitimate point of view. Let's figure out how to solve the problem. That's the kind of attitude we're going to need going forward.
Stewart: With the kind of issues that face the country now.... (applause) oh, they're applauding. Very interesting. They're applauding a spirit of cooperation, which I actually find that to be a rather angry bitter group in this audience.
Obama: Not very funny cooperation.
Stewart: No, that's nice. Is there a sense that you have, you know, two years ago when you began this journey, the country was not necessarily in the shape it's in now. Is there a sense that you don't want this? (Obama laughs) you may look at the country and think, you know, when I thought I was going to get this it was a relatively new car. Now look at it!
Obama: You know, I actually think this is the time to want to be president. If you went into public service thinking that you could have an impact, now is the time where you could have an impact. We tend to be a pretty conservative country. I don't mean conservative politically per se, but conservative in the sense that, you know, things are kind of going along pretty well and we don't want to mess with it too much. And then every once in a while you have these big challenges and big problems. It gives an opportunity for us to really move in a new direction. I think this is one of those moments on things like energy and health care and the economy and education where I think people recognize what we've been doing isn't working.
Stewart: A serious moment.
Obama: I think people will be more open to change.
Stewart: Sir, we definitely appreciate you being on the program tonight. We know what a long haul it's been. You've certainly run a remarkable and historic race. I have great admiration for both you and Senator McCain, and I wish you well. Thank you so much for joining us.
Obama: Great to be with you, Jon. Thank you.
Stewart: Senator Barack Obama. We'll be right back.
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Will Ferrell as Bush/Tina Fey as Palin on SNL: video/transcript
It was bound to happen on 'Saturday Night Live' (SNL). With Tina Fey's Sarah Palin impersonation seemingly exhausted, especially with the appearance of the real thing last weekend, SNL's writers were had to come up with other characters from the political arena with the elections coming up. Who would it be? McCain? Obama? Biden? Well, the question was answered last night as Ferrell reprised his highly successful impersonation of George W. Bush.
Will Ferrell appeared on the special Thursday edition of 'Saturday Night Live' as President Bush by giving an impromptu national address and offering his political strategy ("strategery") to Tina Fey who was again present on the show as Sarah Palin. He spoke about the election between John McCain and Barack Obama — both candidates, he said, that are "heavily patriotized" and
"display much characterization." He also said the election is between "the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy" and "I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it."
Senator John McCain was also present in the sketch, played by Darrell Hammond, and reluctantly received the presidential endorsement of his candidacy from the the unpopular president. Ferrell said he was unaware that his approval ratings were low because he had several months ago declared the Oval Office a "bummer free zone." He he.
It was an almost complete cast. According to Yahoo News, "The sketch between Ferrell and Fey was the meeting of the two of the most popular political impressions in the show's history. It might have been complete only if Chevy Chase stopped by as Gerald Ford, Dana Carvey appeared as H.W. Bush and Amy Poehler joined as Hillary Clinton." I wonder if Chevy Chase can still do his "Gerald Ford fall"?
Who knows, we may still get the complete cast before the elections. Can we have Obama and Biden too?Will Ferrell as Bush, Tina Fey as Palin on SNL (video)
Will Ferrell as George W. Bush on SNL (Transcript)
Will Ferrell - "Hello, my fellow Americans. I have chosen to schedule this impromptu address at night because quite frankly every time I speak during the day, the Stock Market goes in the crapper. So, sorry, Asian markets. You take the hit on this one. I come to you tonight in the midst of a very important election between two very qualified candidates: the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy. Both candidates are heavily patriotized and display much characterization. And yes, I did have three Xanax and a Silver Bullet about a half-hour ago. I'm out of here in a few months, so screw it. But before I leave I wanted to help Sarah Palin and John McCain by giving them what every candidate wants most: a prime-time heavily publicized network endorsement from George W. Bush. Hey, don't pinch yourself John, you are awake!"
"Now I tried to do this several months ago but somehow it kept getting pushed to a written press release or a shouted sentence as I walked to the helicopter. I began to suspect that they didn't want my endorsement to be too public. But now with the country on a big upswing and my numbers on the rise, I thought it was time to give a proper, large scale 'much love' to McCain and Palin..."
(Will Forte, as an AIDE enters and whispers in Bush's ear)
"What? Really? Why didn't you tell me Jeff? I've just been told by my trusted aide Jeff, that the country is actually in a horrible downward spiral and that my approval numbers are lower than ever. That one's on me. Four months ago, I declared the Oval Office a bummer-free zone. So... You know what, let's bring on Senator McCain and Governor Palin."
(Tina Fey as Sarah Palin enters smiling and waving and sits next to Bush on the front the desk)
Tina Fey - "So nice to meet you, Mr. President. I've seen you on TV."
Will Ferrell - "Where's McRage?"
Tina Fey - "You know, John McCain and I have been so busy travelin' around this great country of ours talkin' about change and energy independence and William Ayers, and doin' a little shoppin', but unfortunately Senator McCain, upon hearing you wanted to give him a super public endorsement, cannot be found. He was last seen travelin' on foot through the Adirondacks. But my husband and two of his drinkin' buddies are in pursuit on snowmachines.
Will Ferrell - "Well, We'll smoke him out. George Bush always finds his man save for one huge exception."
Tina Fey - "We are gonna get 'er done."
Will Ferrell - "My God you are folksy."
Tina Fey - "Why thank you Mr. President. I like to think I'm one part practiced folksy , one part sassy and a little dash of high school bitchy."
Will Ferrell - "For a little while I was trying to be folksy but after a bit, it just came off douchey. All right, let me get into my endorsement for you as Vice President. As you know America, the office of Vice President is the most important office in the land. The Vice President decides when we go to war, how we tax the citizens and how we interpret the Constitution. The President can do nothing without checking with the Vice President. That is why Sarah Palin..."
Tina Fey - "Actually, Mr. President, I don't want to go all Katie Couric on you, but I think it's actually the other way around. I think the Vice President reports to the President."
Will Ferrell - "Really? That's not what Dick Cheney told me when he sat me down on the first day."
(Darrell Hammond enters as John McCain, together with Todd Palin)
Todd Palin - "We out-mavericked the maverick!"
John McCain - "Good evening, my friends. Mr. President, always a pleasure."
Will Ferrell - "Good to see you, John. Hey let's get a photo of this; it'll really help your campaign out. Now let me do this: I, George W. Bush, endorse John McCain and Sarah Palin with all my heart..."
(MCCAIN tries to drift out of frame but is pulled back by BUSH)
Will Ferrell - "John was there for me ninety percent of the time over the last eight years. When you think of John McCain, think of me, George W. Bush. Think of this face. When you're in the voting booth, before you vote - picture this face right here. A vote for John McCain is a vote for George W. Bush.
You're welcome. So, I want to be there you, John for the next eight years."
Tina Fey - The next sixteen years!
Will Ferrell - (to an off-camera photographer) "Let's get a safety. I think I blinked on that last shot. Thumbs up, everybody. But most of all I support them because...Live from New York...It's Saturday Night!!!! (This transcript courtesy of Huffington Post)
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the worst best man ever: the perfect video for 'fall' (LOL)
When you hear or read the word 'fall', what's the first thing that comes to mind? Well, for it automatically means the following: Autumn. One of the best seasons of the year, a transition from warm to cold weather that starts from September to November. The most colorful season of all with leaves gradually changing hue from green to yellow to orange to brown. Harvest. Thanksgiving.
I'm sure it's the same with all of you. It's almost automatic. Fall=Autumn. However, everything changed for me two days ago when I saw the following video on Ellen. Somehow, this mishap changed the predominant meaning of 'fall' in my brain's subconscious from 'autumn' to the literal meaning of the word, as in what Chevy Chase was so good at doing. In fact, after I saw the video, I couldn't stop thinking about Chevy Chase, and laughing my guts out! It still cracks me up now.