While waiting for the internet café to open yesterday morning (yes, my DSL connection at home was busted again), I found myself idle, walking around the arcade at ten in the morning while the café attendant was still cleaning up. I then went to the wine store next door, browsing through its glass window at the collection on display when something hit me. Why don’t I buy a pack of my favorite cigarettes, I asked myself. Not that I miss it. I just wanted to try it again. After all, I can stop whenever I wanted so it’s not as if this would be the beginning of another “addiction”. I then went to the counter and bought a pack. It was a spur of the moment decision I was to regret later.

The chain smoker in me must have awakened from hibernation as I puffed heavily on that lighted stick of tobacco. Three heavy drags to be exact. But something was off. The taste was awful! I could feel it in the back of my tongue. A few more puffs only made it worse, contrary to my expectation that it was going to get better. I used to love this taste, I told myself. Is my body reacting differently now? I threw the cigarette away and went to the internet café.

Taking a break from dropping Entrecards, I lighted another stick. This time I ordered coffee to with it. This was always a great combination. I could finish three sticks with a cup of coffee way back when. It was something that usually started my day. However, the coffee failed to do the trick. The awful taste was still there, and this time it came with two accomplices. My head hurt and I could feel my heart palpitating. This sent shivers down my spine. I got scared and threw the cigarette away, then ordered a glass of fruit juice to wash the coffee down. Strike two.

Others would have stopped at reviving an old habit after what happened, but not me. He he. I tried again last night after taking a brief break from my online activities (what else). This time, however, the effects were more severe. The taste was still there, and so were the headache and palpitation. But they were three times worse! Moreover, I was sweating and felt nauseated. I had to stop again. In fact, the nausea was so bad that I had to abandon blog hopping altogether and went straight to bed!

As I lay there half-awake and half-delirious, I resolved to stop what I was trying to do. My body was telling me something I should not take for granted and it might lead to a far worse situation if I persist. I’m okay now. After a good rest, the adverse effects of my misguided adventure are gone. However, I couldn’t help asking myself, “What were you thinking, stupid?!”

Anyone out there want a newly opened pack of Mild Seven charcoal-filtered cigarettes?

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smoking again: what was I thinking?

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